


Dancing In Your Storm

by FirithAriel



Category: Loki (Marvel) - Fandom, Loki - Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Angst and Tragedy, Casual Sex, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Enemies, Heavy Angst, Jotunn | Frost Giant, Loki doesn't like to keep it in his pants, Near Death, No Happy Ending Fest, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Serious Injuries, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirithAriel/pseuds/FirithAriel
Summary: Loki is capable of sweet talking his way into the bed chambers of anything with legs so successfully that you often wondered if his words were laced with magic. But after being yet another victim of his charm, you knew it was no magic, and only you were to blame for falling like an inexperienced pubescent girl into his trousers. You thought you could keep your heart out of it, but it doesn't work like that. Is it too late to get out unscathed?
Relationships: Loki/Reader
Comments: 36
Kudos: 105





	1. I Know I'm Gonna Get Hurt

The golden hall of the palace was getting noisy. All the food had been consumed, and only alcohol was still going around. People laughing, yelling, and singing off key was getting too bothersome. You had smiled and talked to people, as custom demanded of you, but it was not something that came naturally and you couldn’t wait to get out of there. At least the alcohol provided enough distraction for you to quietly slip away from the noise.

The noise, however, wasn’t the only thing you wanted to get away from. Not far from you, there was a scene going, one you had seen way too many times. One you were tired of having to watch from a distance and later pretend you saw nothing.

Loki. A young woman was sitting beside him and he was whispering in her ear. You briefly wondered what had he said, as she blushed profusely and tried to cover it up by grabbing her drink.

You knew the mischievous prince of Asgard was capable of sweet talking his way into the bed chambers of anything with legs. Many times you believed his words to be laced with magic designed to blur the senses and make you fall under a spell. But after being victim of his charm (numerous times you might shamefully add), you knew that it was no magic, and only you were to blame for falling like an inexperienced pubescent girl into his trousers.

As soon as you saw Loki’s hand disappear under the table, you knew it was time to get out of there. Plastering a smile on your face, you said your goodbyes and scurried out of the hall.

“Hey, where are you going?”

You stopped on your tracks. “I’m tired, my prince.” You said, if somewhat sarcastically.

“Since when do you use my titles?” Loki said with a half smile, coming to stand beside you.

“Funny. I was under the impression you quite like them.” You retorted, and turned away from him to keep walking to the exit.

“Only when they come from the unworthy.” He said, and you could hear the smile as he walked by your side. “You on the other hand…” His fingers traced up your arm, sending a shiver down your spine. “You are a _hersir_ of the realm, a goddess even…”

_There he goes again, lacing his words with honey._

"Maybe this goddess is not so all powerful and is tired.” You cut him sternly, trying to convey more calm than you were feeling. “I’m sure the unworthy you left in the hall will be more than happy to indulge you.” Your steps sped up, but Loki caught up with you.

“Oh, but I do love it when you get jealous.” You didn’t need to be looking at him to know there was a smirk involved.

“I find it hard to believe you went through all that trouble just to make me jealous, Loki.” You stopped for a second, but did not look at him. “Besides, jealousy or not, you and I both know this isn’t an exclusive thing.”

Loki seemed to be quite confused by your words, his smile faltered. “Will you be seeing someone else tonight?”

You smiled curtly at him. “Have fun with the unworthy one.”

You didn’t wait for him to speak, and promptly walked out the door. The soldiers at the entrance of the palace nodded in your direction as you stepped into the night. The road to your home was short, but you walked fast, trying to put as much distance between you and the palace. Your heart was still pounding, as you chastised yourself for that little scene on your way out.

You had _known_ what you were getting yourself into, but it didn't stop you. You’d thought you could handle it, keep your heart safe and out of the matter. You’d found out soon enough that it didn’t work like that. Now, you couldn’t get out. Despite yourself, you still hoped that one day he would feel for you what you felt for him.

It was a fool’s errand. You had to put an end to all this. Close your heart and your mind, pull him out of your system for good. You were tired of the heartache, you were tired of the burning jealousy you couldn’t help feeling.

Jealousy was dangerous, it had clouded your judgement more than once. You couldn’t afford to let it affect you anymore.

Your house was already in sight when you felt a weird gust of air that caused goosebumps on your skin, as if you were being watched. Tensing up and trying to feel your surroundings, you slid your hand under the layers of your gown, and gripped the dagger hidden there. 

The cracking of leaves was all you needed to react. In a flash, you were pinning whoever was following you against the nearest wall.

“Loki, for Hel’s sake!” Even with the blade poised to his throat, Loki smiled at you.

“Why do you carry a dagger under your gown?”

“Why were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you got home safely.” He said evasively.

“No, you wanted to see if I was meeting with someone tonight, even if it’s none of your business.” You put the dagger away and stepped back.

Loki grabbed your upper arms and turned you around, trapping you against the wall. He leaned closer, so close you could feel his breath against your skin. You held his gaze, almost holding your breath, waiting for what he would do next.

“No one else, then.” He said.

You felt a tiny tinge of pride at hearing the jealousy in his voice. Biting your lip, you put your hand on his face, lightly tracing his lower lip with your thumb.

“Are you going to take me like a common wench on a dark alley?” You mused, cocking your head to the side. “I believe those are farther down the road.”

You pressed your fingers to his chest, pushing him back. Loki let go of you and smirked.

“Allow me to escort you home, then.” He offered his arm for you to grab.

The implications were evident. You didn’t need to be escorted and he knew that. Your heart was pounding as you mulled over his offer.

_Last one… for old times’ sake._

Biting the inside of your cheek, you took Loki’s arm.

The two of you made it to your home in no time. As soon as you were inside, you grabbed Loki’s clothes and forced him to the wall, kissing him furiously. This is exactly why he enjoyed making you jealous. Everyone else was just so submissive, others were shy and prudish. And while he did enjoy taking control of the situation, he truly relished in your aggressiveness. You had no issues with taking the lead or demanding what you wanted. To say it turned him on, would be an understatement.

Your fingers skillfully undid the closures of his leather surcoat, while his pulled helplessly at the ties of your bodice.

“Not used to having to fight your way through clothes?” You smirked. “Be reminded that I still have a dagger. If you rip my gown I will stab you in the crotch.”

Loki giggled against your neck. “I’m tempted to magic them away, but where’s the fun in that? Besides,” He cupped your chin and stared at you. “I’m a fast learner, and very good with my fingers.” He traced your lips with his index. “Don’t you know that already?”

Loki kissed you again, as you pushed the coat off his shoulders and onto the floor. He pulled back briefly to fling his shirt to wherever it would land, getting his hands and lips back on you as soon as possible.

Frustrated by your gown refusing to cooperate, Loki grabbed your waist and turned you around, finally finding the right ties to pull at. As he undid the laces, Loki kissed your shoulders and your neck. You reached back, undoing the buttons on his trousers and sneaking your hand inside to feel his warm skin. He growled, pulling hard on your bodice, making the ties finally give in.

You chuckled and turned to him again. Grabbing the waist of his pants, you pulled him to your bedroom. Loki pushed the shoulders of your dress down and you let it fall to the floor. While you picked it up and tossed it on a nearby chair, Loki kicked his shoes and pants off. Undergarments weren’t a problem after he pushed you to the bed.

Kisses were furious and hungry. Loki dragged his lips to your neck as his hands cupped your breasts, kneading them, rolling your nipples in his fingertips. You growled loudly when his mouth closed around one of your nipples and sucked hard. You pulled his hair harshly, muttering curses. He smiled and licked his way to your other breast, making your writhe under his touch.

His half soft cock rubbed against your thigh, and you could feel it getting harder. Loki adjusted his hips in between your legs, kissing you again. You pulled away and grabbed his face.

“Not so fast.” Your thumb pulled his lower lip down, biting your own lip as his tongue playfully licked the pad of your finger.

Loki leapt and scooted down the bed. His arms circled your thighs to pull you close. His tongue traced the seams on your pussy, and wiggled in between them until he found what he was looking for.

By the norns, his tongue excelled not only in talking! You threw your head back on the pillows as his whole mouth worked on your clit. Sucking and licking and circling around, sliding down to tease your entrance. Loki moaned against your pussy, relishing in the flavor of your arousal as if it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted.

Your legs started to flail, and your thighs clamped around Loki’s head. He couldn’t care less, he knew you were close and his mouth worked extra hard to get you there.

Soon enough you were pulling on his hair, your whole body tensing as you came against his tongue. He lapped you up greedily, and sucked a mark on your inner thigh, kissing his way up to your hip. You looked down at him and shook your head.

“More!” You whimpered, grabbing a handful of his hair and pushing his head back between your legs.

This time, it took him less to make you come, helped by his fingers inside your cunt, stretching you, rubbing against your spot while his mouth worked wonders on your clit. Your legs fell limp on the bed and you released the grip on his hair.

Loki crawled back up, kissing and licking as he went, until he reclaimed your mouth. You could taste yourself on his lips. His now hard cock rubbed against your soaked pussy, sending tingles up your spine. You locked your thighs around his hips, halting his movements. Before he could say anything, you rolled him over and straddled him.

Without a word, you slid your wetness on his length. Raising your hips, you took his cock and impaled yourself on it, groaning as he entered you. Hands on his chest for leverage, you started moving. Up and down, back and forth, practically fucking yourself on him.

Yet another thing he loved about you. You weren’t shy when taking your pleasure from him. Everyone else was irritably accommodating, not that he didn’t like it, but it got boring pretty fast.

Loki wanted to sit up, but your hands kept him down. He had to do with running his hands everywhere he could reach. Your thighs, your ass, your waist, your breasts. His own hips following your rhythm. He could feel your cunt closing around him, you were close and so was he. Loki gripped your hips, keeping you steady as he bent his knees and used his feet as leverage to pound into you.

“Fuck!”

Your mouth fell open as you stared down at him. Your nails left red indents on his skin as you muttered yet another string of curses.

“Fuck!”

Loki’s legs started to tremble, his thrusts got a bit more erratic and his breath became ragged. He groaned deeply in his chest when finally your orgasm triggered his. Your hips were quaking on top of his, bringing you both back down.

“I am not done with you yet.” You breathed out, leaning down to bite his lower lip.

Loki grabbed your waist and rolled you to the bed.

For the next couple of hours, everything was a tangle of limbs and sweat. The bruises on your hips would be evident come morning. Loki knew he wasn’t allowed to leave marks on visible places, so he made up by leaving some everywhere else. You weren’t as careful, the nails marks on his back and chest, the bite marks on his shoulders, the bruise you sucked right above his heart, were almost a way to get back at him, reminders for the _others_ to see.

If this was the last time you were going to do this, you were going to leave reasons for him to miss you. At least for a couple of weeks.

His back was already red and marked when you sank your nails on his shoulder blades as he got one last orgasm from you before collapsing against your neck.

“This was so much better than the wenches down the road.” He chuckled, obviously trying to make a joke, as he rolled off you.

But it wasn’t funny to you. “I’ll take your word for it.” You slipped out of the bed and grabbed your robe, hastily wrapping it around your body. “Leave.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Leave.” You repeated. “It’s better than having you sneak out before dawn while I pretend to be asleep. Just go.”

Loki groaned and got off the bed. “You could have told me you were awake.” He prowled closer to you as you picked up his clothes from the floor. “I would have stayed a little longer.”

“You would have done if you wanted to.” You pushed his crumpled pants to his chest. “Out.”

Loki stared intently at you, trying to read your expression. You didn’t give away much. Groaning again, he took the clothes and got dressed while you got into the bathroom. When you came out, Loki was in the sitting room, shirt half way on his chest as he stepped into his boots. You watched him fix his shirt and grab his surcoat.

“Are you going to escort me out?” He said with a smirk, standing in front of you and trying to kiss you.

You moved your head away. “You know the way out.”

Loki stared at you, confused, while you made your way across the room and into the pantry. You waited until you heard the steps and the door closing, only then allowed yourself to crumble to the ground.

_Keep playing my heartstrings faster and faster_   
_You can be just what I want, my true disaster_   
_[** Tove Lo - True Disaster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMsok5m5yD4) _


	2. A Perfect Liar

The following days were full of news. Bad news.

In a way, you were thankful for the distraction. Avoiding Loki had been easy with everything you had to take care of.

Frost Giants had been spotted on the mountains. At first, many thought it was a mistake and didn’t pay much attention to it. An attack on a small village was what triggered every alarm and the reports could no longer be ignored. The Giants had to be tracked and found as soon as possible. You spent most of your days coordinating with soldiers and scouts to get as much information as you could, even traveling outside the city for days.

Once you had all the information you needed and created a plan with your men, you sent a message to the palace. A war council had to be summoned at once. It was time to round up the members and discuss further actions.

Loki and Thor were the first ones to arrive. Thor took his usual spot by the table and put his feet up, while Loki leaned on a wall. He didn’t like sitting down, not when he was anxious and restless about the council.

“I hope this meeting brings good news.” Thor said, stretching his arms above his head. “I’m tired of doing nothing! Fighting Giants sounds perfect right now!”

“Because fighting Giants it’s what we’re here for?” Loki said, absently picking at the trinkets that adorned the room.

“Yes? A war council has been summoned to deal with the Frost Giants that somehow made it to Asgard.” Thor explained.

“What?” Loki turned to look at Thor. This was news to him.

“Didn’t she tell you? She must have told you.” Thor looked quite perplexed that Loki didn’t know. “She told me before she left. She told everyone!”

“Not everyone, I haven’t seen her in days.” Loki said, hoping Thor missed the slight bitterness in his voice.

Thor shrugged. “Something is up with her, though.” He commented. “She seemed distracted and more serious than usual. Would you happen to know anything?”

Loki turned his back to Thor and pretended to focus on the trinket in his hand. “Why do you ask me?”

“Well, I was under the impression you’re - close.” Thor said tentatively.

“I wouldn't exactly call us friends.” Loki shrugged.

“Lovers then?” Thor smirked at Loki.

“I wouldn’t call us that either!” Loki said as if he found the thought quite disturbing.

“Come on, Loki!” Thor leaned back on the chair. “Everyone knows about you both. Mother even thinks you’re courting her!”

Loki clenched his jaw. “I am not, and I have no interest in doing so.”

“Good to know.” You deadpanned, staring at him from the door.

Loki stared back, wondering how much you had heard of what he said. Neither of you had time to give it another thought. Thor scrambled up from the chair, and several people started to fill the room. Doing a headcount to make sure everyone you needed was present, you took your place at the end of the table.

“As you know, there have been several Frost Giant sightings in the past few months. Initially, we dismissed them, but as more people repeated the same story, we kept a vigilant eye.” This wasn’t news to most, so no one said anything. “That was until two weeks ago, when the sightings became a raid to a small settlement.” You opened an holographic map and pointed at a village by the foot of the mountains.

Thor clenched his fists. “Any casualties?”

“None.” you said. “That settlement is very close to the river outpost.” You pointed at another structure on the map. “As soon as the alarm was raised, several einherjar deployed and the attack was foiled.”

“It is a small family farm, not more than 20 inhabitants.” The outpost Captain added. “The Giants came in the dead of night in small numbers, seemingly after livestock. As soon as they saw us, they ran.”

“Next morning, a recon mission was sent. We had to find out how the Giants got here.” You looked at the soldier by your side. Thin and not quite tall, covered in green and brown linen clothes, he was clearly a scout.

“We scanned the area, and found a cave system completely frozen over.” He said, pointing on the map. “In the winter that’s normal, in summer not so much.”

Thor stared at the map. “It’s not high enough to be frozen either.”

“We covered the two exits, kept one of ours there to see if our suspicions were correct.” As he spoke, the scout showed the rest of them on the map. “On the third day, we got our answer. Five giants came out of the cave, and climbed the mountain. We followed them to here.” The soldier pointed to a spot right between two mountains. “There’s a glacier there, permafrost. A good spot for their kind to settle.”

“The river outpost took charge of the situation.” You continued, opening the data cube the captain had brought. “They scanned the cave system and found a passage or portal of some sort.” You pointed to a dead end in the caves. “Another group went up the mountain and scanned the glacier, finding a camp, small still, but evidently under construction.” Several images floated off the holographic map, showing ice structures scattered over the glacier.

“And they’re going to be speeding up their operations, they know their cover was blown.” Hogun added.

“What is the plan then?” Thor looked at you.

You took a deep breath. “We have to split up. One group must go to the camp and… take care of it.” You looked at Thor with a tiny smile, knowing he liked to “take care” of this kind of thing. “The other, smaller, group must go to the caves, secure the exits. No one goes in or out, until we figure out a way to close the passage.”

“Can’t we just block it? Or blow it up?” Sif asked.

“No, not an option.” Loki was the one to answer. “Chances are they merely stumbled upon such a portal, but if someone on their side purposefully opened it, they could easily relocate it.” He explained. “It must be sealed with magic.”

“Good thing we have a _seiðmenn_ to take care of it.” You clearly meant Loki, but avoided looking at him. He did not fail to notice.

“Can you close it?” Thor looked at Loki, taking his attention off you.

“I won’t know until I get there.” Loki simply stated.

“The river outpost will be our starting point. I’ve sent several regiments already, to protect all the other settlements and the roads in the area.” Several spots on the map lit up at your words, showing the many scattered homes and villages at the foot of the mountains. “More will depart this evening. We will join them tomorrow morning.”

You put your hands on the table and looked around, waiting for any possible questions or comments.

“Well,” Volstagg stood up, making quite a racket and pushing chairs out of his way. “We all must feed and rest tonight. And I, for one, am starved.”

There was a murmur of chuckles around the room, but most agreed Volstagg was right. The council was dismissed and everyone made their way out. Except for you.

You usually stayed behind, going over plans and overseeing practical things like food, water, and other necessary supplies. This time, the scout and the regiment captain stayed with you, as you discussed further issues with them. They were to depart that evening, bringing the supplies with them to the outpost.

Loki also stayed behind, but stood silently by the door, waiting until the soldiers left. You did your best to ignore him as he closed the door and prowled towards the table.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He finally spoke.

“I have.”

“May I inquire about the reason?”

“You may. Don’t expect me to answer, though.” You said dryly. “In fact, I’m surprised you noticed at all.”

Loki did not miss the tinge of sarcasm on your voice. He leaned on the table by your side in what he thought was a charming pose, and softened his voice. “I did search for you.”

“Is that so?” You focused intently on the hologram in front of you. “Funny, the few times I saw you, you were already preoccupied.”

“This is what it’s about? Your jealousy finally got the best of you?” He groaned loudly. “You kicked me out of your house after the banquet, you’ve been avoiding me for days, and now you are being - ” Loki stopped not to say the word he was thinking of. “I think I could do with an explanation.”

“I owe you nothing. You said it yourself, we are not _friends_.” You looked at him, briefly.

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Damn it._

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” You turned away to store the data cubes on the cabinet.

As if knowing you didn’t have a chance with him wasn’t enough, he _had_ to make you feel insignificant. _No more than another notch in his bedpost._ It took all you had not to go off on him. Instead you pretended he wasn’t there, walking around the room getting things you needed and putting others away. Always used to getting all the attention when he wanted it, Loki did not like you ignoring him. He did not like that you hadn’t answered his question either. He didn’t like _not knowing_.

“I just-- Why are you angry at me?” His low voice was harsh. “You knew what this was about, what it entailed, and I never gave any indications to anything else. If you thought--”

“I thought _nothing_ !” You cut in harshly, and turned to glare at him. “I thought nothing as I saw you take a different woman every night into your chambers. I thought nothing as I saw you flirt with half of Asgard on a daily basis. I thought nothing every time you told me you were purposefully making me jealous.” You swallowed hard. “I thought nothing as you told your brother everything we _weren’t_.”

Loki seemed to be stunned by your sudden display of brutal sincerity, and confused about what to say, as if he was barely beginning to understand where all of this came from.

“What was there to think? That you had a heart?” The tone was cruel and mocking, it made Loki flinch.

“That’s not fair.” He said, biting the words.

“You don’t get to tell me what’s fair.” You pressed your lips into a tight line, and willed yourself to turn away from him. “I’m done. _We_ are done. I have more important things to do than _you_.”

Loki didn't take rejection well, or defiance, he was so used to getting what he wanted. He was always the one to decide how and when to end things. Pride wouldn’t allow him to let you leave without retaliation for that offense.

“Hersir!” Loki spat. “I have not dismissed you yet.”

You stopped cold. “Is that an order?”

Loki hesitated before saying, “Yes.”

You turned around and slowly walked to stand directly in front of him. The second he looked into your stone hard gaze he realized he had made a huge mistake.

“What will you have me do, my prince?” You asked, contempt dripping in every syllable. “Fetch you a cup of wine? Maybe some sweets?” Your stare never faltered as it pierced through his eyes. “Or perhaps I should drop my trousers and bend over the table. Will you order me to do that, _your grace_?”

You punctuated the last words, effectively breaking all familiarity. Loki clenched his jaw, but said nothing.

“Maybe I should drop to my knees and suck you off?” You continued. “Let you fuck my mouth, swallow your seed? I know you love it when they swallow.”

You didn't even blink, still staring him down, challenging him to say something. You knew he prided himself in being charming enough to have people do as he pleased voluntarily. He had never used his title or his power to get what he wanted. Now, you were provoking him. Forcing him to choose when there was no way he could win.

“What are your orders?” You insisted with venom in your voice.

Loki’s mouth had gone dry. “You may leave.” He croaked.

You took a step back and bowed. “Your grace.”

You wished you could run, but you knew Loki watched you as you left. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to know you were broken.

_I knew the moment I looked into your eyes_   
_I’d have to swallow all the lies_   
_**[ Thirty Seconds To Mars - Love Is Madness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCCFU7l4w04)_


	3. Watch Me Burn Down In Flames

Loki didn’t sleep much that night.

He spent hours poring over several volumes that piled up in his reading room, a task that would have taken him barely an hour if he hadn’t been so distracted. Despite the inherent difficulties of it, closing an inter-realm portal was a walk in the gardens compared to understanding you.

Were you jealous? Well, yes. That’s what made it so fun for him.

Were you expecting something more from him? You were smart enough not to. If you ever did, clearly it wasn’t the case any longer. Not after what happened in the war room.

Did you mean it when you said you were done? If there was the tiniest sliver of a chance to make you change your mind, Loki had blown it all to Hel.

He couldn’t read past two paragraphs without thinking about it. Why did he care so much anyway? Even after finishing his research, tucked comfortably in his bed, the thought kept spinning inside his head.

The sun wasn’t a welcome sight after falling asleep late into the night. After a quick bath and a light breakfast, Loki made his way to the barracks. Preparations were almost done, a supply cart was leaving as Loki arrived. The einherjar had fetched the horses from the Royal Stables and were waiting for everyone to arrive.

Of course, you were already there, supervising everything. As soon as you saw Thor arrive, you made a head count and gave the order to depart. Loki rode silently in the second row, watching you talk to Thor the whole way.

Once the riders reached the River Outpost, everyone was assigned into a group. Loki already knew what he would be doing, so he stood in the back waiting for everyone else. The bulk of the soldiers departed with Thor and his entourage. Only a handful of soldiers were to escort Loki and you to the caves, and you’d be going on foot.

“Your grace.” You bowed your head slightly.

“Don’t do that.” He muttered. You ignored him.

“Ready when you are. Is there anything else you need?”

Loki shook his head and gripped the small satchel he had brought with him.

“I thought you would have preferred to go with the other group.” He said.

“A senior officer has to be here to lead your escort.” You explained dryly.

Loki didn’t say anything else.

Your group started up the hill. The walk was not long, but it was difficult in some places, and therefore slow. When you reached the caves entrance, you gave instructions to the soldiers for them to guard the exits. You closed your fur lined cloak and stepped into the caverns.

“This way, your majesty.”

Loki rolled his eyes and huffed, but said nothing, following you inside the cavern. The rock on the outside gave way to a thick sheet of ice that made the temperature drop. Loki pressed his fingers to the ice, it felt _alien_. It didn’t belong in Asgard anymore than the Frost Giants that dragged it here. You were already several feet away from Loki when he started walking again.

“How do you know which way-” He asked, after catching up with you.

You didn’t say anything, just looked at him and pointed to the floor. Bright markings were showing the way. You both walked in silence until you reached the portal.

Right in the middle of an ice vault, there was a swirling mass. Its colors changed from blue to silver to gold as it rippled, distorting whatever was behind it.

Loki rounded the portal, studying it, touching what seemed to be the edges with his seidr. Then, he sat on the floor and opened his satchel. Fiddling with several contraptions he got to work. It was strange to watch Loki do actual work with his seidr, and mesmerizing. You had seen him do simple tricks before, mostly making clothing articles disappear. This was different, and undoubtedly more complicated. Loki would groan in frustration and rearrange his gadgets over and over again. He kept muttering things under his breath, whether they were spells or curses, you did not know.

Not wanting to interrupt, you started pacing.

“Damn it!” Loki cursed out loud.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t close it, not from here.” He took a deep breath and turned. “Or, I _can_ , but it wouldn’t do us any good…”

You walked closer to him. “What do you mean?”

“I can close the portal in this location, but the gateway will still be open in Jotunheim. Meaning it will fight its way to another exit.” Loki explained. “It could be here, it could be another realm. As far as I can see, it’s bound to Yggdrasil, so it will relocate inside the Nine Realms.”

“How long would it take to relocate?”

“Could be a minute, could be a thousand years.” Loki sighed deeply. “Unless we close both ends, it will eventually reappear.” Loki took two blue crystals and fiddled with them in his hands. “They have to be closed at the same time. These can conduct my seidr through the portal to get that done, but…” He looked at you.

There was no need for words, what it had to be done was clear.

“What’s the weather report for Jotunheim?” You asked.

“For this time of year? Covered skies, heavy snow, maybe some hail, and strong, biting winds that would freeze you in under three minutes if you stay still.”

As he spoke, Loki stuck the crystals on the ground, flanking the portal. Blue sparks flowed from the swirling vortex to the crystals, lighting them up. Then, he stood up.

You looked down at your clothes. Knowing you were going to be up the mountains and inside a frozen cave, you had prepared accordingly. You hoped it would be enough, and closed your cape up your neck.

“You don’t have to -” He started, but you didn’t let him finish.

“Yes, I do.”

Loki concentrated and summoned a large cloak and put it over his shoulders. The fabric shimmered with the blue light, making it sort of blend with the background. Loki’s head appeared to be discorporated.

“Come, get in here.” He said, opening the cape. “I only have one of these.”

Rolling your eyes, you stood in front of Loki and he closed the cape on your front. His hands slid around your waist and he pulled you close, pressing his chest to your back. He had to make sure the cloak covered the two of you completely.

“Why so stiff? It’s not like we haven’t been this close before.” He said in your ear.

“Of course, your grace.”

The breath he let out sounded more annoyed than anything, and he busied himself closing the cloak. After he pulled the cowl over your heads, his arms closed around your waist again.

“Left…” His left foot pushed yours into motion. You took a step forward. “…right…” Same process with your other foot.

A few more tentative steps to work your coordination, and Loki steered you through the portal. You closed your eyes, bracing yourself.

Anything you had prepared for was not enough. The wind penetrated through every space between the threads of your clothes, reaching your skin and chilling your very bones. You almost gasped, but Loki’s hand covered your mouth and made you stand very still against him.

Right in front of you there was a Jotnar, a fifteen foot tall mountain of ice covered muscle. And he wasn’t the only one. At least twenty more were patrolling the perimeter of the portal. You could even see a small group inside a cave, reading something on a table made of ice.

Loki let go of your mouth and you took a deep silent breath. The both of you looked around, trying to find a safe spot. You were in what looked like the flat top of a hill. To your back and behind the portal, a tall wall of stone. There were no trees, no shrubs, nothing but ice and rocks scattered around. At last you spotted a small crevice in the rocks. Too small for a giant.

You reached back and took Loki’s face, directing it to the spot you had seen. He nodded, and pushed your foot with his. Slowly, you made the short walk through the rocks to the crevice and huddled inside. It was freezing cold, but at least you were covered from the wind.

“Any ideas, hersir?” Loki said, removing the cape.

“A few.” You rubbed your arms, trying to get some warmth back. “How long will it take you to place the crystals?”

“The problem is not just placing them.” Loki explained. “It’s the giants noticing they are there. We must place them, and immediately jump through the portal, blasting it from Asgard.”

“Then the best chance we have is causing turmoil.” You said, figuring out a plan. “Distract them enough so you can position the crystals.” You rummaged in your satchel and grabbed several purple glass spheres. “And I know exactly where to start it.”

Loki grabbed the shimmering cloak and put it on your shoulders. “You need it more than I do.”

“At the first explosion, run to the portal and do what you must.” There was a veiled severity in your voice, an understanding that this could go _very_ wrong.

Loki swallowed hard and looked at you as if he wanted to say something. He didn’t. He pulled the cowl over your head and made sure no part of you was visible.

Clutching the cloak, you crawled out the crevice and moved hastily to the cave you had seen the giants talking in. Luckily it wasn't snowing, but the wind hadn’t relented. It was useful in erasing your footsteps off the snow, but the sheer cold made moving hard. Your teeth were clattering when you reached the opening of the cave.

You crouched by the entrance, and took a few of the glass spheres, shaking them until their purple turned bright red. You put them on the floor and sent them rolling underneath the ice table.

_4… 3… 2… 1…_

You took cover behind the rocks just in time. A deafening blast and the ice table exploded into a million pieces, injuring several giants. All alarms were activated, and a handful of soldiers came to see what had happened. You scurried off, to the other side. You could see the portal clearly now, the giant guarding it was still there, but his attention was elsewhere. Hoping Loki would take the cue, you ran to the opposite side of the plateau, as far from the portal as you could get.

Loki jumped into action immediately after hearing the first explosion. Taking cover on every rock on his path, he made it to the portal. The camp was in chaos, he could see the giants running to the blasted cave. One very angry jotnar came out from below the debris and started shouting instructions. Loki had to wait until the portal guard left his post before venturing any further.

A second explosion made ice rain on the platform. All soldiers were called to action, and the portal was left alone. Loki slid on the snow and sat in front of the portal. He got the two blue crystals and made some measurements before sticking them to the ground. Immediately the portal activated, its magic swirling to the crystals, lighting them up like they did on Asgard.

_Time to leave._

But Loki would not leave without you. He turned around and scanned the camp, looking for any sign of your location.

“ _Ásynja! Ásynja!_ ”

Loki’s very blood froze. _Asgardian._ They had seen you.

More shouting from what it seemed to be their chieftain and several soldiers turned to the portal. Loki was forced to hide again.

_Where are you?_

Loki summoned his daggers and waited, he knew he could not let the giants reach the portal. Yet another explosion and Loki finally found you.

_Oh, no._

Your cloak was shredded. One of your arms was bleeding, but the blood had frozen over the gashes making the wound all the more painful. The other was functional enough to wield your sword as you fought your way across the platform. You could see the portal had been activated, and wondered if Loki made it back already.

You had to hurry, two soldiers were about to reach the portal. Your injured hand still held the last of your glass spheres. You struggled to shake them before you let them fall behind you. The explosion downed several giants and made you stumble forward, luckily you managed not to fall. You ran as fast as you could towards the portal, where Loki was fighting off the giants.

_You blithering idiot! Leave!_

After dealing with the two giants, Loki looked at you. You saw his eyes grow wide and a long blade materialized in his hand. He opened his mouth, but if he made a sound, you didn’t hear it.

The air was abruptly forced out of your chest, and you were thrust several feet forward. Everything slowed down around you. Loki was in front of you screaming in panic and rage as he swung his sword over your head.

You fell to your knees, your own sword sinking in the snow. There was a loud buzzing in your ears, and your sight was getting blurry.

You could barely manage to gasp shallowly, and the little air you got seemed to escape before it reached your lungs. A growing pool of blood surrounded you as your sight grew darker. You recognized Loki’s flashes of magic, and his voice… he was yelling at you, but you couldn’t understand what he was saying. You wanted to get up, help him.

There was one blinding flash of white light. Then darkness.

Your head was spinning.

You were already unconscious when your face hit the floor.

_I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain_   
_Yes, I would die for you, baby, but you won’t do the same_   
_[** Bruno Mars - Grenade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR6iYWJxHqs) _


	4. Giving Us Up Didn’t Take a Lot

Eight days.

Eight days had passed since Loki woke up soaked in your blood.

He had tried hard to distract himself, but it wasn’t working. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing the exact moment that giant pushed his sword through you.

What he had done was reckless and he knew you would berate him for it, but he wasn’t thinking straight. Not after he saw you hit the ground like a lifeless puppet. Blasting the portal from Jotunheim forced him to teleport back to Asgard, an effort that depleted all his energy and made him pass out for a few hours. But other than that, he was in perfect condition.

You, on the other hand, were not. Loki was scared, far more scared than he was willing to admit even to himself. It frustrated him that he could only watch as many healers took hours to quite literally piece you back together. After that, all he could do was to wait.

You woke up to a surge of pain cracking your chest open and made breathing hard. _I am not dead then_ . You couldn’t be, your whole body hurt _so bad_ , that for a moment you wished you were. It took you great effort to roll over and try to sit up.

A healer rushed to your side and helped you get comfortable against the pillows. She asked a few questions, but your mouth was dry. You just croaked to get some water. As the healer went out, you took several deep breaths, trying to readjust your lungs. When the door creaked open, it was no healer, but Loki himself bringing water for you.

Your heart made a very uncomfortable jump.

“Hi.” He said with a sigh of relief.

“Your majesty.” You said with a slight bow of your head.

He groaned. “Would you please stop doing that?”

You cracked a small smile while he poured water for you. Then, he sat by the side of the bed. You kept your eyes on your glass and drank slowly, not really wanting to start a conversation.

“How do you feel?” Loki finally said.

“Like I’ve been trampled over by a stampeding bilgesnipe.”

“Your chest was nearly cut in half. Not much difference.” He pointed out.

“I think I remember that part.” You closed your eyes, the last thing you recalled was a bright flash of light. “What happened?”

“A giant attacked you, I killed him, and blasted the portal closed.” He shrugged.

“You blasted the portal from Jotunheim?” You eyed him as he made a choked sound. “How did we make it back?”

Loki gulped. “I - teleported.”

“You teleported?!” The sudden movement sent a shock through your ribs that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“I wasn’t going to let you die!” He shot back.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down. “You teleported.”

“Yes, I just said that.”

“It could have killed you!” You pressed. “You know you shouldn't have done it!”

“I wasn’t going to let you die.” Loki repeated, trying to downplay it. “I only passed out for a couple of hours.”

You were not having it. “Loki, your job was to close that damn portal, it was my job to keep you safe!”

“What was I supposed to do?” Loki scoffed. “Leave you there?”

“Instead of risking your own life, yes!”

“Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?”

“I’m not! You did something stupid and dangerous that could and should have been avoided!”

“Okay, I didn’t think about it in the moment, but I don’t think it was stupid trying to save your life!”

Loki crossed his arms and slumped on the chair, staring at you. You bit your lip and looked down at your empty water glass.

“Thank you.” You said softly. “For bringing me back.”

Loki relaxed and let his arms drop to his lap, where he started fidgeting with his fingers.

“I’m- I’m glad you’re okay.” He said.

When you looked at him, Loki was giving you the same look he had when you were in the cave in Jotunheim. He didn’t have time to make up his mind and speak. Thor came into the room quite noisily, followed by his not-so-silent companions. Loki jumped up from the chair.

“Finally!” Thor said with a big grin, opening his arms.

“No hugs, please!” You said with a small smile.

“Lady.” Fandral leaned in and kissed your hand quite dramatically. It made Loki wince. “I’ve tried in vain to show our prince the proper way to a woman’s heart. And he nearly lets a Jotun beat him to it.”

Loki rolled his eyes. You chuckled when Sif slapped the back of Fandral’s head and apologized on his behalf. Thor clapped like an overgrown toddler and started telling you everything that happened during the giants’ camp attack. Loki did not want to hear the story again. Thor had repeated it too many times, and each time it got more and more fantastic, despite Sif correcting him every two sentences.

While everyone recounted their own deeds in the battle, talking over each other at times, Loki edged further and further away. You were the only one who noticed when he slipped silently out the door.

It wasn’t long before a healer came to dismiss everyone, arguing that you needed to rest, and you silently thanked her for it. It was dinner time already and this would be the first meal you would have in days.

Healing was a slow process. Everyday your bandages would be changed and your wounds cleaned. Everyday a healer would make a remark about how no one thought you’d make it. One more week would pass before you were allowed to go home.

Loki never came back.

And thus a decision was made.

The day you left the healers ward, you sent a short message to Queen Frigga, asking for an audience. Her answer came by your house the next morning, with an invitation for tea that same day. The Queen had an escort waiting for you at the gates of the palace, and you were led to the Queen’s sitting room.

Taking a deep breath, you entered the room and bowed slightly.

“Your majesty.”

Frigga greeted you by grabbing your shoulders and kissing both your cheeks, offering you a seat and a cup of tea that you politely accepted.

“I am so glad to see you back on your feet!” She said while pouring tea for you. “We were all so worried about you.”

“Thank you, my Queen.” You nodded your head, a slight blush on your cheeks.

“From what Thor told me, it was by your effort that Asgard is safe.” The queen offered you sugar and cream while she spoke.

“It is a soldier’s duty to protect the realm, your Majesty.”

“Is my son included in that duty?” Frigga looked almost hopeful.

You held your breath for a beat. “Both your sons are included, your Majesty.”

You tried to hold her gaze, and noticed something close to disappointment on the Queen’s face. It didn’t last enough for you to figure it out. She smiled again.

“As much as we want to see you back on your post, you must take all the time you need to heal.” She continued.

“That’s-” You gulped and left the cup on the table. “That’s why I’m here.”

Frigga left her tea on the table and crossed her hands on her lap, waiting for you to continue. 

“I- I wish to be relieved of my duties.” You finally said. “I wish to leave Asgard.”

The Queen looked at you, studying your face. You felt unnaturally naked under her stare and looked down to your hands. It wasn’t easy for you to make this request, and Frigga was observant enough to notice.

“Is there any particular reason? A situation that could be remedied?” She asked softly.

“No.” You shook your head. “I just - I need time.”

“What about Loki?”

“What about him?”

“I was under the impression you were-”

“We weren’t.” You interrupted her.

“I see.” The look of slight disappointment was back on the Queen’s face. “Pity, I had hoped you would help him - _settle_.”

“With all due respect, your majesty.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t believe there’s an individual in the whole of the nine realms and beyond who could bring Prince Loki to keep it in his pants.”

Frigga smiled, making a great effort not to giggle. You sipped the last of your tea and left the empty cup on the table. The Queen was still staring intently at you.

“He does care for you, you know?” She said.

You didn’t know how to respond to that, at least not out loud. Loki had made it blatantly clear you were nothing, to the point you couldn’t figure out _why_ he had saved your life.

“But it’s your choice.” Frigga smiled and took your hands between hers. “Not every heart mends the same and yours still has a long way to go.”

Her words made you realize she knew much more than you were saying. But you didn’t want to talk about it.

“Thank you, your Majesty.” You stood up. “I am aware that King Odin will have to choose my replacement in order to make proper arrangements. I will make sure everything is in order.”

You bowed slightly and Frigga dismissed you with a nod. A few seconds after you left the room, Loki walked from the back and leaned on a wall.

“Do you think you could keep it in your pants?” Frigga said, quite amused by your choice of words.

Loki gave his mother an annoyed look and crossed his arms.

“As you said, it is her choice.” He said, biting the inside of his cheek. “I don’t see how or why I should stop her.” He tried to sound unaffected, but there was a slight break in his voice.

Frigga shook her head and stood in front of Loki. “Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself.” She cupped his cheek. “Not two weeks ago, you clung to her like a child to their mother. Why are you letting go now?”

Loki didn’t answer.

.-

The following days you occupied yourself with preparations. You tried to avoid going to the palace as much as possible, only to attend to the ceremonial end of your duties and officially handing your office over to your successor. Several people tried to talk you out of resigning, to get you to stay. But your mind was made.

That last morning in Asgard, you woke up much earlier that you would have done on a normal day. It was cool in the predawn, and you decided to take a walk. A strange feeling settled in your stomach as you watched the sunrise over the city. After all, Asgard was your home, and had been your home your whole life. It wasn’t easy to part from it. Maybe one day you’d be able to return, but whatever peace you needed now, you wouldn’t find it anywhere near Loki.

The sun was out when you made it back to your house. As if he had materialized out of your thoughts, Loki was standing outside your door.

“What are you doing here?” You startled him.

He turned to look at you, fiddling with the seams of his sleeves. “You’re leaving.”

“I am.”

“You can’t.” He shook his head.

“What?”

“You can’t. I don’t want you to leave.” Loki was very aware he sounded like a spoiled, petulant child. In your opinion, he was. “You can’t. You- you always wanted this- your position-”

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m not drunk!” He growled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Why are you even leaving? It makes no sense-”

Loki kept stumbling over his words, rambling without even finishing his sentences, jumbling excuses and poor arguments. Why was his tongue failing him now? You stared at him as he babbled. It was a small victory to see him so out of words, but the pain in your heart was too much for it to bring you any joy.

“You! You are the fucking reason I’m leaving!” You finally exploded. “You cloud my judgement, you make me doubt myself, you - For Hel’s sake, I took an ice sword through the chest for you!!”

“How- how is this my fault?” He stammered.

“Is that what you care about? People blaming _you_ ?” You scoffed and raised your hand. “I hereby relieve you of any responsibility you could ever have over _my_ choices. Is that better?”

“I didn’t mean-” Loki shook his head, still unsure of what he wanted to say.

“Agreeing to whatever relationship we had, is on me.” You said. “Falling in love with you, that’s on me too.”

Loki’s mouth went dry. It wasn’t that your confession surprised him exactly, but it rang completely different when said out loud.

“I’m tired of waiting for something that’s never going to happen.” You closed your eyes, the last thing you wanted was to start crying.

The air was thick with unspoken things, but what good would it do to unpack it now? Part of you wanted to let it all out, scream, yell at him, anything to appease your own feelings… but the part that gave up on him had won.

“Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?” He said quietly. You shook your head.

“If there’s one person in all of Asgard who could convince me to stay it’s you.” You admitted with a sad smile. “But I’m not gonna let you.”

“Please…”

You took a deep breath and looked at him. “Goodbye, Loki.”

Crossing your arms on your chest, you walked inside your house. Loki stood outside for several minutes after you disappeared. He felt powerless, and restless. You might have said it wasn’t his fault, but he felt guilty nonetheless. He wanted to fix it even when it was obvious there was nothing he could fix. He couldn’t take back whatever he said that might have hurt you. He couldn’t force himself to feel - he didn’t even know _what_ he felt. What other options did he have? Lying to you? That wouldn’t work. You would know immediately if he was lying. No, this time he’d have to swallow his selfishness and accept defeat.

It was past midday, and his lunch had been just brought to his chambers, when Loki felt the soft strum of energy of the bifrost being activated.

It made him lose his appetite.

_I've spent all of the love I saved_   
_We were always a losing game_   
_[** Duncan Laurence - Arcade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eztx7Wr8PtE)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that is the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


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